"He Used Me For S3x, But I Still Love Him"

My boyfriend used to phone me in the odd hours to tell me to come to his place straight away.

I knew he just used me for sex but I loved him too much to complain – and love him still.

I’m 24 and he’s 28. He comes in the bar where I work. He’d spend all the night at the bar with his friends, joking and teasing me. 

I could tell that he liked me and I didn’t hide that I liked him too. When he asked me out I was over the moon – but we had sex at the end of the evening and he never asked me out on a proper date again.

I just couldn’t see it at first but the fact is he used me for sex. He never answered his phone when I called but he’d summon me round in the dead of the night.

I’d do what he asked and climb into his bed, just loving the touch and the smell of his skin.

We’d make love for hours then he’d tell me I had to go home. I know it sounds mad but it made sense to me then.

When he was with me he made me feel great but I never knew when I’d see him again. When I was working I’d scan round the bar for his face in the crowd. After I’d been seeing him around three months, days went by and then weeks but he didn’t come in.

I was out with a friend one day when I saw him pass by with his arm wrapped around somebody else. It crushed my heart and my dreams but I can’t get him out of my head.

I dream about him every night and then when I wake I remember the truth. I long to move on but I can’t.